Friday, November 19, 2010

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? How about Chevy Camaro and the Deadly Stallion?

In case you hadn’t heard, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1, is making a big splash in theatres right now. And I’ll be honest; I don’t know much about Harry Potter. When I see the previews to those movies, I never see any neat cars or anything that really gets me too excited. But the more I find out about these movies, the more I’ve determined that the whole thing is just a rip-off of the history of the Camaro.

Let’s look at the facts. The Camaro was a sporty car that emerged in no small part to the demise of the Chevy Corvair. Dark forces conspired to kill the Corvair, but they were unable to squelch the magic of the Camaro. In the movies, Harry Potter’s parents were killed by evil forces, while Harry went on to bigger and better things.

By the way, the first Harry Potter book was called Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. Later it was changed to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. The Camaro was nearly named “Panther”, but changed at the last minute. Coincidence? Not likely.

Harry Potter has to battle his mortal enemy, Lord Voldermont. This evil Voldermont character tries to kill Harry all the time. Substitute the words “Lord Voldermont” with “Ford Mustang”, and you have the makings of a real-life battle to the death.

As Harry begins to prove himself at Hogwart’s School for Wizards, AKA Pomona Dragway, other challengers emerge. For example, in the Prisoner of Azkaban, some tool named Sirius Black, who had already helped kill Harry’s folks, was back again to try and finish off Harry. As Ralph Nader and the federal government drove the Corvair into the ground, various fuel mileage standards and choking emissions controls conspired to destroy the Camaro’s image with bulky, underpowered offerings in the ‘70s and ‘80s.

Also in that storyline, Harry has to fight off foreign wizards in the Triwizard Tournament. In the same vein, new foreign competition sprouted up for the Camaro, including things like the Nissan Z cars, Mazda RX-whatevers, and even things like the Hyundai Genesis Coupe of today.

When Voldermont seems like he’s finally not going to bother anyone anymore, he all of the sudden gets really powerful again in the Goblet of Fire. When the new Camaro came out in 1993, the Mustang had grown soft and not a huge threat to the Camaro’s image. But as the decade came to an end, the Camaro was steadily losing ground to the Mustang in popularity, as the Mustang continued to improve and become more popular.

After the 2002 model year, the Camaro was discontinued while the Mustang took over the market. In The Deathly Hallows (the current movie), Harry and his friends drop out of school as Voldermont’s power was at his peak.

This episode comes to a head in the “Battle of the Hogwarts”, as some of Harry’s friends do not survive. For our purposes, we’ll call his friends Oldsmobile, Pontiac, and Saturn. Still, Harry is able to fight through all this adversity, and survives to face Voldermont, kind of like the Camaro re-emerged to fight the Mustang once again.

In the end, the Camaro, I mean Harry, kills off the Mustang. I meant to say, kills off Voldermont. In real life, the Camaro and Mustang continue to do battle. Supposedly, this is the last Harry Potter sequel, but since J.K. Rowling has obviously been following the life of the Camaro this whole time, who knows—maybe another book is in order.

So how was that for an attempt at staying current with the latest news?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

How many months until car show season starts up again?  I think I have a Hogwart on my--er, nevermind.

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